Chapter Text
They were close. Only an hour or so until they would land. They were both in the cockpit, but they had stopped talking a while ago. Skywalker seemed to be well enough. He hasn't mentioned his leg or their escape or really anything. Cody barely even noticed how quiet the ship was with how loud his thoughts were. Organa mentioned Rex and suddenly he was a second stage tubie trying to convince Alpha to let him train the kid. He's not sure what about his little brother caught his eye, but something must have. One minute he was in training, the same as every other day, and the next he was breaking almost every rule on Kamino to train Rex. Rex was defective, he would never had survived without being the best. Alpha was initially against the idea. Clearly Rex was going to be decanted and stepping between a defect and the kaminoans only signed your own recycling. Cody just couldn't give up on the little runt. Rex leached onto him and he would do anything to protect him. The others joined in after Rex bit Fox while sparring. They gave him command training secretly in hopes that the Kaminoans would ignore the defect for his skill. Little Rex'ika rose higher than Cody could have ever dreamed. No one cared that he was blonde, and he lived like every other vod. Rex was there. He was on that base with his chip removed. How? When? Was he like Cody? Did he escape before them?
Cody had to wonder if it was because of his defect. The kaminoans decanted every defective clone. Cody had thought it had always been about appearances. The defective ones weren't uniform, so they had to go. Had it been more? Had it been because with the defects, the chips could no longer control them? How much more did the Kamionoans never tell them?
In all the rush to escape, he hadn't thought about his own chip. How it magically stopped working. He doesn't know how or why he woke up. He isn't even sure if his chip is fully off. It makes him uncomfortable. If the chip magically shut off how does he know it won't turn back on? What are the chances he sees Obi-Wan, and the order takes over? He hasn't felt like killing Skywalker, but he's mostly confident in saying that Skywalker was never a part of the order. But Obi-Wan... he already tried to kill Obi-Wan, he doesn't want to do it again. Should he even be going to the rebellion? Is he more danger than good?
"We should go to Tatooine." Skywalker seemed to be doing his own thinking.
"What?" From what Cody's heard from Obi-Wan, Skywalker hates Tatooine. Why would he want to go back?
"I'm going to learn how to control this power again. But before I do, let's go to Tatooine. We could kill every last Hutt without ever being caught." Skywalker said. Cody knew he meant it. He knew that Skywalker could kill without lifting a finger. Even during the war, there were moments where Skywalker accomplished tasks that Cody knew couldn't be done by other force sensitives. There was a certain light in the man's eyes whenever it happened. When Cody looked at him, it was like looking at someone pretending to be human. He was so similar to a human, if not just slightly off. The difference was in the eyes. There was a power to them that was not possible in humans. Whenever his eyes turned, Cody could do nothing but stare and wonder what in gods name was going to happen. He knows his general saw it too. Cody would turn to his general right before Skywalker went off to see his friend staring at his padawan. They never spoke about it. They never put it into their reports. It creeped Cody out a lot more then, even if it's the same look that is longing to join the stars.
"What do you say?" Skywalker put his hand on the controls. Cody could see them going. He could see the two of them killing every single slaver without even blinking. They could kill every Hutt and then some, and it would feel good. The two of them would kill them all and never talk about it again. He could actually see them doing it. See his blaster fire at them. See Skywalker take on a dozen and kill them all within seconds. Cody has spent five years killing innocents, it would be a nice change to kill people that actually deserved it.
It was so tempting.
But deep down he knew that more murder won't make up for all of his victims, no matter how long he spends justifying its cause. All of the people he saved during the war didn't make up for all of the ones he killed. Killing more won't make up for anything either. Killing slavers won't turn him into a good person. He is trapped with his role in this life. They both are.
"The day we do that should be our last day alive." Cody said. He wants to go out a hero, since he never got to live like one. Skywalker hummed and let go of the controls. The old Skywalker would have put up more of a fight and they both knew it. Cody chose not to say anything.
It was only a few minutes before Skywalker started laughing. Real, from the gut, laughter. Skywalker was practically bent over in his seat. He was crazed.
"We- we spent longer in the empire than we spent in war!" Fits of giggles were bursting out of Skywalker now. "You have to laugh!" Cody thought for moment, debating whether or not Skywalker was crazy or onto something. He could lie and say that his life wasn't ridiculous. Cody was bred for that measly war. He and his brothers were trained for a an entire decade to only keep their minds for three years. Cody felt the corners of his lips turning upwards.
"I only knew my general for three years." Cody scoffed. Skywalker looked at him and just laughed some more. It was contagious. It was comforting to know there was at least one person crazier than he was.
"Fuck. I was only a Jedi knight for three years." Skywalker almost sounded childish. It made Cody laugh.
"Remember when you were still a part of our battalion and you tried to convince the shiny's that the general was your biological father?" Cody laughed. Too many shiny's believed that one. Cody had to lecture the boys about natborn ages and while their general was older than Skywalker, he wasn't old enough to father Skywalker.
Skywalker almost had tears in his eyes.
"I remember Obi-Wan turning the color of his hair after a shiny asked about it." Skywalker beamed, "It always made him feel old. I knew he would never correct anyone on the matter and just stay uncomfortable."
"Speaking of uncomfortable, are you ready to dawn 'Hero With no fear' again?" Cody laughed at the name.
"Only if I get to call you Commander Ken-ody." Skywalker smirked. It looked so different from the reckless kid all those years ago. He hated to admit he missed it. 'Commander Ken-ody' started as a joke he is sure originated from Boil. It began in the second year of the war he thinks, he only noticed it when Waxer stopped being able to look at him without laughing. Cody tried to find the creator of the punchline, but his efforts were fruitless. Obi-Wan had thought it was endearing. He said they spent so much time together that people thought of them as one. Cody had blushed hard at the time.
"Those names were about as stupid as the action figures." Cody pretended to roll his eyes. During the war, it was honorable to know that young natborns looked up to him and his brothers enough to want little figures of them. He hopes the children still have them, as a symbol of their true creation. Of a time when they were proud of their actions and involvement. Of a time when they were still themselves.
"Hey I loved the action figures. You're just mad that only Rex had an original design." Skywalker laughed.
"Asshole."
"Do you think those things are even still around? I mean some kid had to save 'em right?"
"If not, I'm sure there are a few Vader ones you could claim."
"Asshole!" Skywalker grinned and shook his head as he said it. Cody would've never imagined the two of them getting along so well. Out of everyone else, he would have never pegged any similarities with this man. During the war, Cody would be horrified to call Skywalker a friend. He barely tolerated knowing the man as an acquaintance. He much preferred his general over anyone else. Everyone else. Skywalker was Obi-Wan's annoying, sometimes bratty, kid, and Cody only tolerated him because of his care for Obi-Wan. Yet here they were teasing each other like lifelong friends. Almost like he would with his vod in the command squad. He knows the others are waiting for them, but they will never be able to understand life under the empire like Skywalker does. They are together in this. Cody suddenly realized that he doesn't mind that.
-
"Are you ready for this?" Cody asked as he started the descent into the atmosphere.
"Not at all."
Good. They would be fools to think they were prepared.
"What's the first thing you wanna do?" Skywalker asked. Cody hadn't even thought of that. What does he want to do? Get the chip out. Save the rest of his brothers. Destroy the empire. But the first thing? The very first thing he wants to do in this new freedom?
"I want to eat a meal with other people." It seems so stupid. So childish to want such a mundane thing. But after five years of being alone with all the natborns treating him like they would a chair, it would be nice to sit and talk with people.
"I think I'll join you on that." Skywalker said. He too spent every meal alone. Another similarity.
"Well I guess-" Cody was cut by an alert from the communications system. It was a request to the ship. Skywalker turned it on.
"This is Private Jones, you're flying an unpermitted enemy ship. What authorizations do you have to land?"
"My name is Cody, we were invited by General Kenobi." Cody explained. Bail never said anything about authorization for landing. Yes, they are in Vader's ship, but they all knew they were coming right? This was the right place wasn't it?
"If you do not provide correct authorization codes, we will have no choice but to shoot you down."
"They have four canons locked on us." Skywalker seemed to think he was being helpful. Cody hadn't planned for this and he planned for everything. He spent weekssearching for the right ship. Days building up Skywalker's strength. He lost sleep combing through this ship and all of the empires data on Skywalker. He did everything right. Planning the exact right day and time all to be taken down by the rebellion. This could not be happening. He was so close.
No. He was not dying this close to freedom.
"Can you take control? I need to see if there's a gun on this ship." Cody asked. Skywalker was serious. There was that general he had once known.
"Yes." Skywalker turned off the communication that took over. One-handed and physically weak. Cody prayed the gods were with them.
Cody left his seat and the cockpit. He had combed through this entire ship and there had been no weapons then, but maybe a gun had grew when he wasn't looking. He needed something. He was not about to sit idly while they were shot to their deaths.
He found himself in the engine room. He had spent the least amount of time in this room because his mind kept convincing him that the engine would blow up and kill him on the star destroyer. There were machines he didn't understand, spare tools, and more fuel Cody packed. There was also one singular parachute. Cody hadn't thought their trouble would come when landing, although he should've guessed that seeing as every ship Skywalker touched went down in flames. How could he be so foolish to not plan for this?
He grabbed the one parachute, they could figure out a way to share it.
The entire ship shook like a rockslide pulling Cody to the ground. He landed on his stomach, the parachute flying away from him as he dropped down. When he opened his eyes there was a burning red blaster bolt two centimeters from the bridge of his nose that started in a hole in the bottom of the ship. He could feel its heat. It's light stung his eyes. He could feel it in his brain. Slowly he moved to stand up, hoping that sudden movements didn't kill him. Standing was not the problem. The second flaming, burning, blaster bolt embedded in the engine was. Not even a centimeter away from blowing this whole ship up. There was only one reason they weren't dead.
Skywalker.
Cody grabbed the parachute and ran back to the cockpit. There sat Skywalker with perfect posture, hand locked on to the controls. His eyes were open but they were seeing nothing. Cody looked out to see four more large bolts aimed at them. They were perfectly still. Not even the ship was moving.
Cody didn't know much about the force. He knew even less about Skywalker's abilities. But everything stopped moving, and he feared that somehow all of the bolt's movement was connected to the ship and if they moved the ship even an inch, that engine was blowing up.
"There's only one parachute, but we could make it work for both of us." Cody said. There was no sound left in the world, it was as if Skywalker absorbed that along with all of the galaxy's motion.
"I'll lose focus." Skywalker was whispering. It was barely audible, but luckily that same man was a thief that stole all the remaining sound.
"What?"
"If I move, I'll lose focus." Was all he had to add, but Cody got the gist: if Skywalker moves, the engine blows up.
"We're not dying this close to the end." There had to be something. They survived Sidious. They survived being empiric flesh droids. They survived three years of a nightmare war then five more of a fascist regime. They are not fucking dying now.
"You're right. You won't."
"What?"
In no time, the only parachute was strapped to him and an invisible force threw him out the door.
Fuck.
-
He landed in a clearing. He needed to find that ship. He hadn't heard any explosion on his decent downwards, but the ship was not where he left it. Skywalker was trying to land it. Of course he was. He found the ship with ease, still unnaturally flying straight down. Cody unstrapped the chute and ran to where it would land. Skywalker could do this. Obi-Wan had always said that Skywalker was the most powerful of them all. Cody had seen the man take on tanks and larger ships than this and survive without a scratch. He has survived against all odds and he can survive this. He had to. Cody was not facing Obi-Wan or Rex without Skywalker.
He was sixty steps away from the ship when it landed. He froze. Skywalker had to be able to get out of there without blowing up the damn thing. Cody couldn't move, he had no idea if he would make it worse by getting any closer. The ship began to shake like a muscle spasm. Shaking like Obi-Wan's tea kettle ready to explode. He knew it wasn't a matter of if it exploded, but when.
The door had been blown open from Skywalker throwing him out. Skywalker inched towards it at a snails pace. His eyes still unseeing and glassy. He was sweating and shaking almost as bad as the ship. But he was alive. All he had to do was stay alive.
One step out the ship.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
He saw the flash first. Hundreds of flames originating from the combination of blaster and engine fuel.
-
He landed on his back this time. The flames did not touch him, but the force of it swept the ground from under him. He got to his feet quick. He had to find Skywalker.
The ship was still shining big orange flames. Shrapnel and bits of the control panel littered the grass. Skywalker was on the ground against a tree. His prison uniform was shredding off from the flames. Cody ran to him, fearing the worst.
Blue eyes were open staring at the ship. A smile pealed open the other mans lips.
"We- we blew up Vaders Ship!" Laughter turned into a long fit of coughs. Cody leaned down and rolled Skywalker to his side. Skywalker's pupil's were blown wide, but Cody was glad he was seeing things again. When the man stopped trying to cough up his entire lung, Cody rolled him back on his back. Those eyes were still on the destroyed ship. Cody followed them. The metal was ripped off and jagged. The whole thing was on fire. They blew up Vaders ship. Cody let out a laugh.
"Yes we did." He looked back to Skywalker. His eyes were closed. "Hey eyes open." He shook Skywalker's shoulder. Cody had no idea how injured Skywalker was, but he knew the dangers of letting him sleep. They were in this together, they had to make it together. Those blue eyes greeted him once more, but this time they were lazy and unfocused.
"Le's blow up a...nother ship.." Skywalker starred at the flames.
"Let's blow up them all." Cody smiled and so did Skywalker. They would blow up all of the empiric ships, then they would kill all of the hutts. And then they would die. Skywalker's eyes closed again. Cody shook him again. "Come on. Don't make me step into this reunion alone." He needed Skywalker. They needed each other.
"Woul'n dream of it." Skywalker watched the ship. It seemed to be comforting to him. "I think. I think I'll havta meet you all there." What. Skywalker closed his eyes. Cody shook him and shook him, but those eyes no longer greeted him. He was still breathing, but there were no other signs that it would be ok.
"Skywalker." Cody whispered like a child thinking that of all things would work. He needed a medic. They needed to get away from this ship.
"Cody!" Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan. All Cody had to do was turn around and he would see Obi-Wan. Suddenly such an easy task felt as difficult as escaping. This was it. This is what he left for. Everything he did for the past month led him to this very moment. Of course Skywalker left him alone for this.
He stood.
He turned.
He saw. Right there, in all his glory, stood Obi-Wan Kenobi. He no longer wore Jedi robes, instead he had a blue long sleeve slightly over dark gray pants. He brought an entire army with him, people Cody had no idea were still alive. There was Tano, Senator Amidala, armed lifeforms he didn't know, and then of course, Rex. Rex'ika. The runt of the litter that outlasted them all.
Amidala and others ran to Skywalker. Cody knew that he should tell them that the other is probably fine and at least still breathing, but there were no words left in him. They had all fled the second they saw his general. He wouldn't have known what to say anyways. Should he apologize? Should they act like no time has passed? Should he ask about the rebellion? Should he tell them about the empire? He didn't know and those icy gray eyes eating through his soul were not helping. His entire brain shut off at the sight of his general, so instead he looked to Rex. Wide sad eyes met him. He felt like they were back on Kamino in training.
His feet finally remember how to work as he crossed over to his baby brother. Without hesitating, he wrapped the younger man into the tightest hug he could with his armor still on.
"cuun cuyan'ika." The language almost sounded foreign to his ears. It's been so long.
"Ori vod." Rex gasped. Cody's been called so many titles he almost forgot his favorite one.
-
They got moving pretty quick. Skywalker was placed on a stretcher, Amidala was holding his hand. The others kept glancing over to the kid. Cody did not. It was not like he didn't care about Skywalker's life, but after all of the times he tried to kill himself, a small explosion would not kill him. It can't. He put too much work into this, for Skywalker to die now.
The base was... still in the works. Every room seemed to be filled with a mix of supplies from all over the galaxy. A control system from a core planet, ships from the outer rim, furniture from mid-rim and beyond. People from the rebellion came from all over, so he supposed it would make sense that they would bring items from all over too.
Their weird group was led to a small medic center. He stayed behind. He wanted to get his chip out, but he wanted to stay conscious for a little while longer. They were all rightfully focused on Skywalker. It was easy to stay behind until a dark-skinned humanoid was looking at him.
"They say you can tell us General Skywalker's medical history?" She asked. The whole room was looking at him. Skywalker protocol required any soldier that made contact with him memorize his entire medical history. This was created to understand every method Skywalker used to attempt suicide and to never trust him. No one in this room was going to like what he had to say. Maybe instant brain surgery wouldn't be such a bad thing. They were still staring at him. He sighed. Why bother escaping the inevitable after all?
He first explained the physical effects of whenever Vader uses the force: depleted energy, sweating, unconsciousness, muscle spasms, etc. This he is sure they knew. There were countless times Vader used the force since Cody gave them access to the livestream, including the time that ended in Skywalker seizing and unconscious. That was fine. They were prepared to hear that. The medic then asked for any other time Skywalker needed surgery or major medical treatment. Cody faltered. It was not as though he was unaware of Skywalker's history, it was that he really did not want to say it in front of anyone here besides the medic.
A broad display of Skywalker's medical history for the first year in the empire reads as the following:
- initial surgery of the back and both arms inserting 'medically necessary tubes'
- one month of solitary ended by using the metal arm to cause stab wound near the eyes
- removal of the metal arm
- strangulation attempt using the tubes on arms
- surgery removing the tubes on arms
- suffocation by hand
- drowning attempt, sink
- gavage fed
- ripping of esophagus and intestines from swallowing four razor blades
- intestinal surgery
- ripping vocal cords through screaming
- medicated to a semi-permanent state of drowsiness
- gavage fed
- electrically shocked through the floor
- electrically shocked through the floor
- electrically shocked through the floor
- electrically shocked through the floor
- drowning attempt, shower
- stab wound from bed frame
- medicated to a semi-permanent state of drowsiness
- gavage fed
- inpatient procedure: feeding tube insert
- suffocation attempt
- absence seizure from force related injury
- skull fracture from brute force
- inpatient procedure: feeding tube removed
- internal bleeding: cause unknown
- intestinal surgery
- inpatient procedure: catheter insert
- impatient procedure: catheter removal
- asphyxiation attempt
- gavage fed
- medicated to a semi-permanent state of drowsiness
- absence seizure from force related injury
- electrically shocked through the floor
- electrically shocked through the floor
- asphyxiation attempt
- gavage fed
- medicated to a semi-permanent state of drowsiness
Cody explained it all like he would a mission report. It was easier that way. He could detach himself from all the horrified looks he was getting. The medic and Obi-Wan were the only people in the room who looked calm, but Cody was sure that only one of them was sincere. The more hardship that was thrown at Obi-Wan Kenobi, the calmer the man looked. It used to infuriate Cody to no end. 'Just get mad' Cody would say. 'And what purpose would that serve?' Obi-Wan would reply. What Cody did not say was how unnatural the calmness felt to him. They would receive their highest death count and Obi-Wan would break for one second; his eyes would shake and his eyebrows would pinch up and he would just look broken. And then Cody would blink and his face would go back it's normal.
The worst part, the absolute worst part and the reason Cody hated the calm mask, was late at night. It would be the two of them alone. No Skywalker or Tano forcing Obi-Wan to pretend he had all the answers in the galaxy, no council relying on Obi-Wan's experience outside of the order, no men deepening the mask. It was just them. And Obi-Wan would completely fall apart. He spent the entire war pretending he was stronger than he was and personally holding Skywalker together enough so they could be the greatest team in the galaxy. Cody hated it. He hated that Obi-Wan wasn't ever allowed to just be a person and he hated that the only time his friend got close was in the late hours of the night where no one else could see him. 'Just get mad. Please get mad' he would say. 'It would not help' Obi-Wan would reply.
"Any further attempts or information I should know after that first year?" The medic asked. She had been taking notes the entire time while other medics hooked Skywalker up to different machines and oxygen. He's going to hate that, Cody thought.
Technically Skywalker did not stop attempting to end his life until a year and eight months after the empire was formed, but the rest was very spread out and mild. His twenty-four hour suicide watch did not end until four months past that, but nothing had happened.
"Nothing too severe and he had no other surgeries the rest of his captivity." Cody focused on the medic only. Not Obi-Wan staring at him, not Amidala pulling Tano away from the medics, and not Rex'ika silently staring at his general.
"Thank you Commander. Your own surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. We felt it best to give you the night to familiarize yourself with the base." It has been a long time since someone else has treated him like a human being. Even longer since someone seemed like they cared about him. If he wasn't counting Obi-Wan, or maybe Skywalker, this woman was the first natborn to treat him the same as anyone else in perhaps his entire life. It was odd, he noted, to be treated kindly by a stranger not obligated to work with him.
"Your room is right by mine. We can go there now if you want." Rex decided to speak over the beeping of all the machines connected to Skywalker. Cody turned to his little brother gladly. Please. Please get him away from this situation. Please stop making him say nothing but bad news. Please stop making him break Obi-Wan. Rex seemed to have picked up on his aversion of this moment as he nodded and started walking. Cody followed without hesitation. Whatever else the medic needed could wait. Whatever Skywalker intel he could provide did not need to be shared. Whatever reunion he was going to have with Obi-Wan did not need to happen until Cody's brain could fire a complete sentence while still looking at the other man.
Rex lead him down many complicated hallways. Some walls had decor, some were lined with machines or other junk. No people passed them, and he was grateful. He was sure they would get nothing but stares and gawks. Two clones were walking side by side without their buckets on and with their minds intact, when's the last time that happened? He didn't want to know the answer.
Finally Rex stopped at a room near the end of a hall of other rooms. All the doors were the same. There was no personal touch except the number on the side. They were just like his brothers. Rex used a key to unlock this door, number 15, then gave the key to Cody without saying anything. They stepped inside the cloned door. The room was a lot bigger than he expected. From what he gathered on his missions, the rebellion was small and spread thin. He expected something similar to the barracks or maybe individual closet sized rooms if they were lucky. Instead he walked into a sitting area with an old couch and a rug. Across from it was a kitchenette with the basics; fridge, freezer, microwave, double burner stovetop over a small oven. If he were to walk ten or so steps he would be met with two doors, one bathroom and one bedroom.
“Ahsoka and I got a holotv in her room and we’ve bought a few games on missions, but you can do whatever you want with the space.” Rex said. Cody knew that Rex was good friends with his commander, he shouldn’t be surprised they’re still friends. What surprised him was that they made their rooms personal.
“Do you all stay here often then?” He doesn’t like the thought that the remainder of the GAR sticks together so often. If the empire were to come here, they could eliminate the backbone of the rebellion in one fell swoop.
“This is the main base so most of our permanent belongings are here when we travel for missions or to check other bases. Amidala or Organa have provided most of our funds, but we do get donors for other things. I’m sure you noticed our wide assortment of furniture and computers. Oh! Speaking of, I got you clothes. You can’t wear blacks or armor the rest of your life. I wasn’t too sure what your style would be but I preferred darker clothes when I first got out so that’s what I got you.” Rex had moved all around this room until entering the bedroom. He walked so unsure of himself and Cody wanted to reprimand him. He trained Rex to act confident no matter what. Cody followed nonetheless into his room. His room. His room. Where he would presumably keep his ‘permanent belongings’ in between missions for the rebellion.
Cody felt like he was walking in someone else’s life. He spent weeks planning his escape, yes, but living outside of the empire feels wrong. Maybe it has to do with the control chip still inside of him or maybe he never actually believed he would succeed. He doesn’t know. But being here and getting a space and clothes and belongings feels wrong. Thinking traitorous thoughts of working for the rebellion feels wrong. Talking to Rex, his baby brother, feels wrong.
He hadn’t even noticed Rex was in natborn clothes until now. He wore a green poncho thing over some sort of pants Cody wasn’t familiar with. For a horrible second, all Cody could think about was Rex being a traitor. That Rex left the GAR for a natborn life and Cody would be forced to report him to the higher ups. His brain caught up to him as Rex handed him the clothes. His clothes. His traitorous natborn clothes. They weren’t traitors to be here. They won’t be decommissioned for not wearing the uniform. There are no higher ups to report to.
The clothes looked very similar to blacks which unfortunately did make Cody more comfortable. Black joggers, dark gray pants that looked similar to the ones Rex had on, black tunics, black long-sleeves. Cody would change into them later, when he was alone. For now, he set them on the kitchen counter. Rex was watching him. Everyone seemed to be watching him.
“It scared me too, you know. The clothes. I thought they would find me and decant me for real this time. But they can’t. Gods know if the long necks even survived the purge.” Oh Rex’ika. Such a big heart even after all this. Cody felt himself smiling at his little brother. Rex was Rex and it was so comforting he was the same. The ships, the missions, the training, the natborns were all the same and Cody hated it. But Rex? Sweet little Rex who Cody just couldn’t let get decanted? Oh how he loved that the kid's heart was the same.
“They survived, but they had been fired very quickly into this new reign.” The empire chooses its soldiers by kidnapping entire villages instead of growing one. Cody was not sure which method was worse.
“Probably for the better.” Rex said. Cody had to agree. He wasn’t sure how he would handle brothers never getting the chance to build a personality before the empire stripped it away.
The two of them sat on the ratty little couch. Cody looked at Rex properly for the first time in years. His blonde hair was longer than Cody had seen it before. The rest of his face was the same if not slightly tired. He held himself casually. Too casually for the ‘childhood’ they had. He seemed at peace with himself. Like his insecurities disappeared after being away for too long. Cody was proud of this change. Cody felt the urge to report this behavior. It was unnatural for a clone to look and behave so similarly to a natborn.
Cody hated his thoughts.
“How are you here?” Cody was not sure how much he wanted to know, but he had to. He is almost positive that torrent company was traveling with Tano when the order went off. He and Rex had spoken not too long before the order happened. The entire company should have been able to kill Tano, but he had just seen her. If he remembers the reports 2224 read correctly, the entire ship was destroyed en route. Rex should be dead. They both should be dead.
“I’m not sure. The others… they were ready to shoot Ahsoka down instantly after hearing the order.” Rex said. He was looking at Cody with these big grieving eyes. Cody wanted to hurt him for it.
“Yes, that's what it does.” There was no hesitation between hearing the order and taking down Obi-Wan. There was not even time to blink.
“It wasn’t like that for me.”
“What?”
“It was like there were two of me. One version had my blaster aimed and the trigger ready. The other was fighting like hell not to shoot. I remember warning her to leave or to run or something similar. The others started shooting. While she was defending herself she knocked me out. When I woke up, I was still… me. We took down the ship. I knew they would rather die and turn into that.” Rex looked at him guiltily. He shouldn’t have to feel guilty for being able to stay himself. To not be forced into the control of the chip. He had no idea how it felt to completely lose yourself and be nothing but the orders he was given. He has no idea how it felt to wake up in the body of a droid and not be able to react. Cody should be glad that Rex got out of the empire before it even started. He should be glad.
He really should be.
But Rex was right to feel guilty, and Cody tried very hard not to despise him. It wasn’t fair. Cody was gone for over five years, their other vod were still mindless flesh droids and Rex has been here with his clothes and his personal room and the games on the holotv. Cody felt the need to punch him. To beat him up until his own knuckles were bleeding. To ruin that casual appearance and mood. He wanted to hate him, to scream at him, to tell him all the monstrous things he had done under the empire without a choice while Rex was here with his closest friend with his mind intact. He may have saved torrent from their fates but it wasn’t enough. He had five years to find a way to shut off their chips and he hasn’t. Cody could taste the rage building up inside of him. It wasn’t being fair to Rex, but so far it seems that everything else has been.
“Please leave.” Cody said. It was so unfair to Rex, but he couldn’t stand him right now. He would not be able to contain his feelings for much longer and Rex didn’t deserve to feel bad for not getting a lobotomy.
“Kote please I’m sorry-“
“No. You should not need to apologize and I won’t accept it. Do not be guilty for surviving, but I just can’t look at you right now and not be mad. You have no idea what it’s been like. I am… glad you don’t, but right now you need to get out of my face before I hurt it.” Cody will always protect his baby brother. Whether it was from the long-necks, the clankers, or even, it seems, from himself, he will put Rex‘s wellbeing first. Rex doesn’t deserve his anger. It is for the better that Rex will never know what happens when the chip takes control.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, before your surgery.” Rex had tears in his eyes as he left. Before Cody knew they would never fall, their training prohibited that. But now, this Rex may even feel comfortable for such a behavior.
Cody was alone. He didn’t want to be, but it was better for everything this way. It was better not to hurt Rex when he didn’t have to. It was better to avoid Obi-Wan when his emotions weren’t calm or even close to controlled. If anything he would like to talk to Skywalker about all of this, but the man had to blow himself up to avoid speaking to others. Cody wished he could’ve done the same.
He had surgery tomorrow. He was getting rid of his chip tomorrow. He was with Rex and Obi-Wan. He was with people who would help him and treat him with respect. This was everything he had worked for. So why the fuck did he feel so bad about it?
